12 Aspects of Healthy Relationships – Conclusion
After reflecting on the aspects of a generative, healthy, long lasting relationships, the question becomes, “How do I get there?” Practice is the key. Just like in sports, music, dance, martial arts, or any activity that requires mastery, relationships, as we are speaking about here, require ongoing, rigorous practice throughout the time of the relationship. It will not serve to be in the conversation, “Been there, done that.” Disciplined practice will serve. Embodying these aspects of relationship requires practice over time; there is really no other way. Become the relationship you want to live, develop mastery in the skills. This is one of the benefits of having a partner. Partners can assist each other in the practices, remind each other when someone forgets, and help the relationship to stay on track. It will never be perfect, and it won’t help to expect perfection from your partner, as there will always be breakdowns, especially in the beginning. Have patience and practice until it becomes second nature.
Remember these things on the path:
- Each individual has to take responsibility for their “stuff’ and commit to working on it. Two strong individuals will build a strong foundation for a long lasting relationship.
- Begin by picking the right person. Make sure the “settling for” conversation is not happening. Everyone deserves the person who is right for them.
- Commit to and stay in the practices. Like falling off the horse, when mistakes are made, recommit and start again – no judgment. Sometimes one partner will do better than the other. Remember you are there to support each other in their growth.
- Make agreements that will support what you are looking for. Making and keeping promises is the best way to build trust in a relationship.
- Keep talking! Take the time to have the necessary conversations to make agreements and handle issues and breakdowns. Stay with the conversation to completion, even if it takes weeks or months. Over processing is not resolution. Always move towards resolution.
- Create a vision for the relationship you want then align the practices, conversations, and agreements accordingly.
- Be kind to each other, even when it is hard. This, as much as anything, will get you through the difficulties.
And remember, the work is never completely done. Until you are able to count your relationship in decades, it is difficult to understand what can be achieved. The gift is living a fulfilling, satisfying relationship for the rest of your lives.
Mark and Madeline have a thriving coaching practice in Petaluma, California, serving clients from around the world. We are especially keen on supporting people in relationships that are committed for the long haul. You can contact us at Mark@ecosomatic.com, or MadelineWade@comcast.net.