12 Aspects of a Healthy, Generative Relationship

A process of change to support growing, evolving relationships


The choice of these 12 Aspects is derived from my partner’s and my own journey, years of research, and years of working directly with couples. This is not the only conversation of possibility, and this is not the final word on relationships. There are many other relevant aspects that could be added to this list. We see this combination offers it own set of possibilities to form something beautiful and long-lasting in one’s relationship.

Choiceful Commitment – Embodiment of choiceful commitment means taking the actions necessary to fulfill the choiceful relationship commitments.

Trust – Embodiment of trust means being sincere, reliable, and competent in making promises and commitments.

– Embodiment of connection means two strong individuals come together with presence and the skill of deep connection to other without losing themselves.

Intimacy – Embodiment of intimacy is mastery of closeness physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and energetically.

Care – Embodiment of care shows up by taking the actions required to act with and take care of one’s partner.

Choice – Embodiment of choice in a relationship is the willingness to be choiceful and respecting other’s choices.

Communication – Embodiment of generative communication is living a willingness to communicate authentically and honestly with appropriate timing and a willingness to enter into difficult conversations.

Conflict – Embodiment of generative conflict is the skill to move towards and into conflict with skill as a possibility for intimacy and connection.

Money – Embodiment of relationship to money with one’s primary partner is to live an openness, sharing, and willingness to having generative conversation to share that relationship and responsibility.

Change – Embodiment of change is the willingness to change oneself, support one’s partner’s desired changes, and embrace change as a natural, organic process.

Control/Power – Embodiment of control/power is living a relationship where power is choicefully and openly granted and shared.

Play – Embodiment of play is living play and playfulness in a purposeful way.

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The cultivation and art of living the wholeness of our humanity in all aspects of life.

“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage